Confuse ....

Im not sure what had just happened.
And im sure i will not get the chance to know what happened.
But whatever did happen do make you mad.
I dont like seeing you get mad or sad.

If this problems involves me, im really sorry. I dont know what i did but the only thing i know is it makes you mad. I want you to be happy. You have a new life now and you are having a great time. I dont want your past to disturb the happiness you have now. If it involves my friends, im sorry on behalf of them. Maybe they are going overboard for what happened between us.

I love you. I would not deny it. I can only say i half move on. Sometimes im happy that you are happy with your life nowadays but sometimes i do feel sad thinking that your happiness is not with me. But life goes on. If we really love someone, we should just think about their happiness. Even if it doesnt involve ourself. Sorry if my existence in your life lately makes your newly life less happy than before. I will try to control myself. As usual, i will do what i should do. Wait wait wait until the time is right for us. If there will never be us again, its ok. Whatever i do , you have nothing to worry. You just go on with your life. Let me handle it myself. I will still take care of you from far away. And you can always find me if you need anything.

Im sorry and I miss you.

wide smile

Where It All Started

It was the night before your birthday , which was on friday night . Im in Shah Alam while you were at Cameron Highlands. The plan was to surprise you on your birthday. You knew that im coming there but you were just not sure which day. I tried to invite friends to join me but end up with just Fizie to accompany me. If Fizie was not around im not sure what will happen to me because it was a long journey , the road was so scary because of the darkness , there was only one car throughout the climb of Cameron , the zig-zag road of Cameron and lastly because its already midnight.

During the journey , we text each other and you still did not know im on the way to Cameron. There was one area where there is no signal for maxis and to make it worse , i was in that area when the time is 12 am. You tried to call me but failed. Im afraid that you will be mad at me and straight away go to bed as it is your birthday but i cant be reached. After a few minutes , i managed to get signal again and straight away give some good excuses(i think it was good). Lucky for me that you accept my excuses.

Fizie and I reach the apartment where you were staying around 1.30am. I wanted to surprise you in front of your apartment but the gate was closed. So i had to call you. At first you didnt believe me but once you go out to your balcony you saw me in front of the gate. The celebration was simple though as there is only me , you , Fizie and your brother. There was only cake and a white rose for you. just as what you wish for. I wish i stayed longer in Cameron but i had to go back in the morning. Maybe there will be another day or maybe not. We never know. It was a great experience for me because this is where it all started. Our first day in relationship. Thanks for giving me the chance and also giving a hint to ask you to be my girlfriend.

wide smile

24th

Every 24th of each month , it was suppose to be our anniversary. Eventhough we are not together anymore , i still want to cherish the day my way. This will be the day for me to remember you by writing a blog about any of our memories together. It can be anything from events to pictures. This is not a sign of me not moving on with my life. This is just to show respect to you and appreciation of our time together.

who?
wide smile

THIS IS YOU

whatever i do.
whatever i did.
whatever i didn't do.
is all because of you.

i give u all my respects when im with you.

why dont u, for once, respect me for who i am.

thank you for wishing my mum.



me,
big eyes

Congratulation!

Congrats on your new relationship. i never thought it could be this quick. Im sure you have think about it deeply. I wish for your happiness till the end of time. I'm just disappointed that you didnt do as what you promised. Im quite surprised about it. Just remember one thing , whatever you do or any information about you will never go unnoticed from me. Just dont try to make it a secret as  i will always know bout it. I will wait for my time to come. We will still be friends. It just that we never know when. You will have all the time you want. Once you think that you are ok with me, then talk to me again. I will be there anytime and anywhere for you. Taking care of you from wherever i am. Im not changing my numbers. So you will know how to contact me. An advice from me , be truth to yourself. Its not good lying to yourself. Till then , see you when the time comes. Hope that will be the promise that you will not break. Congrats again. Send my regards to him.

Sincerely,
wide smile

Big Eyes .

Whatever you were going through
it was beyond anything of my experience
and beyond my ability to fix
i had no right to judge you

If i choose to stay with you
knowing the risk and hurtness
all i can do is give love and respect
and see how the story will end .

sincerely,
wide smile